2020 Reflection and Intention Setting

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” 

This is one of my favourite quotes (of which there are many!) by Carl Jung: that is, consciously choose where you want to go, otherwise your subconscious will direct you. Most of us are on autopilot, we just haven't realised we can take the controls. Aim your life in the direction YOU want. 

There is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that 2020 has been quite the year and most are looking forward to seeing the end of it. But, rather than writing off 2020 as a year that we merely endured and that most of us would rather forget I encourage you to spend some time in reflection. Sure, there have been immeasurable trials and hardships and challenges none of us expected, on top of our already full lives. But it has also brought with it an enforced slowing down, staying home, different ways of working, and either being with people all the time, or being alone. 

The author and motivational speaker, John O’Leary says that ‘our lives have far less to do with the events themselves, and much more to do with our reactions to them’. He was talking about the fact that life happens, tragedies strike (read his book ‘On Fire’ for his own life story), bad things happen and then in the very next breath, the very next moment we get to choose what we do with these situations - i.e. how we respond. 

Remember, nothing new or interesting will happen on January 1st 2021 unless we are intentional and decide what it is we want from the year ahead. In a way similar to steps one and two of the five steps to the Law of Attraction - the concept that our mind, thinking, and focus shapes who and what we are.  It also shapes the way we act, what we act on, who we spend time with, and consequently, nearly every aspect of our lives.  You can’t completely change your outer world without completely changing your inner world (your thoughts and beliefs).  

Step One - know and understand what it is you do not want in your life, both materially and emotionally;

Step Two - be clear on what you DO want in your life, materially and emotionally. 

There is great power in answering these prompts, especially being clear on what you don't want, as that helps you to guide and direct you to what you want your life to look like - the people you want to be surrounded by, how you want to feel and look, what's around you (home, work, ‘stuff’). You can draw on the experiences of the year to help with this exercise - I’m sure one thing none of us want in our lives is a global pandemic shutting down the world!

One way or another I am certain that you will find gratitude for this year. Even something as simple as noticing the changes in the seasons, new leaves and flowers emerging, the beautiful changing colours of the sky in the morning and evening. Even things we’ve had taken away from us can help us to appreciate what we’re looking forward to - maybe the loss of so much makes you realise how much you’re excited to get back to certain activities once life ‘opens up’. For me, that’s hiking and getting out into nature, and being able to go out for a glass of wine with friends and loved ones. I’m all about balance!

Some steps to take to prepare for a new year (or any time you want to bring some clarity into your life):

1. Make a list of all the things you do NOT want right now in your life. 

2. Make a list of all the things you DO want right now in your life.

3. Write down the beliefs that are supportive to your goals, and the beliefs that are taking away from your goals.

4. Write down your vision for what you want your life to be like (paint a vivid picture using all five senses). 

5. Write down three things that you can do in the next 24 hours to start moving towards your goal/s.

One top tip - don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started on this or any other internal mindset work. Find a scrap of paper (or a napkin!) to jot down the first thoughts that spring into your head or use the ‘notes’ section in your phone.. just get it out of your head. Its amazing what comes up when you allow thoughts to flow freely. I think this warrants its own post so stay tuned. New post coming in ‘My Musings’..

Here’s to awakening your awesome.life <3

Self-Belief

The dictionary definition of self-belief is: A confidence in your own abilities or judgement. 

Self-belief is something that I have struggled with for much of my life. From a young age I remember always wanting what other people had – whether it was their jumper, their family or their friends. I had that feeling of ‘the grass is greener’ wherever I am not. That feeling that nothing I did, had or said was quite good enough. I really had no logical reason for this feeling of not being good enough. I had a loving and attentive family, I had lovely ‘stuff’, I had loyal, loving friends, we lived in great homes and I got to travel the world from a very young age. 

I wasn’t aware of how much this lack of belief limited me until I started my personal development journey. I avoided trying new things because I didn’t believe I could do it (whether that was learning a new language and trying it out in the real world, or trying water skiing!) But since I realised there was something I could do to build my own self belief and self esteem I have been working ever since to change my beliefs!

One of the first things to do is to recognise when you start to feel like you ‘cant do it’. When you feel that hesitation, that fear, when you hear that little voice in your head saying ‘no, don’t do it’ or ‘its not safe’ or ‘you’ll fail if you try’ (you know the one I mean..). That’s a great first step! I often say to my clients that noticing and picking up when you are self-sabotaging, doubting or second guessing yourself is such a powerful moment. Because it means that you are becoming aware. And once you notice it in one part of your life, you can be sure that it crops up in all areas! 

I use positive affirmations to counter any lack of belief I have. The first step is to understand what the belief is (which is usually negative) because once you can voice it and recognise the emotion around it you can do something about it. For example, if I am fearful of speaking up in a group (whether amongst friends, at a party, or at work) and worried about whether I’ll be able to voice my thoughts eloquently (or even at all) I can say to myself ‘My confidence and belief shine through in all I do’. Or if I think ‘I can’t do it’, a counter affirmation could be ‘I am strong, competent and I can do this’. I LOVE affirmations because you are speaking belief into yourself. Sure, it may feel weird and wacky and even untrue for a while but stick with it. The more you affirm what you want/how you want to be, you are actually rewiring your brain to choose more positive thoughts when similar, scary and fear-inducing situations arise. We change our thought patterns through repetition, so stick with it even when it feels weird and uncomfortable. 

I don’t think that you can talk about self-belief without also mentioning the Law of Attraction – the idea that what you focus on you attract, like attracts like, the energy you put out into the world you get back (whether its positive or negative). The Law of Attraction does not discriminate. Whatever you focus your attention on you will attract more of into your life. So MIND YOUR MIND! Be fiercely protective of what you let in, either through external influences like tv, media, socials, news, or in your own thoughts. Basically you can write your own story, so be sure to make it a good one! 

“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth.  If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind. 

Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results.  This is but saying that nothing can come from corn but corn, nothing from nettles but nettles.  Men understand this law in the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental and moral world (though its operation there is just as simple and undeviating), and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.

Mind is the Master power that molds and makes, And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes the tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills, Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills: -He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass: Environment is but his looking-glass."

James Allen, ‘As A Man Thinketh’

To re-cap:

1. Awareness - recognise when you start to feel that doubt creep in – that feeling of ‘I can’t’, or ‘its too scary’.

2. Understand that this immediate reaction is the subconscious part of your brain protecting you from harm and danger. 

3. Choose a positive affirmation that you can use to counteract this negative thought/belief and say it over again, like a mantra. 

4. Take one small action or step towards your goal. It could be something as simple as researching an idea you have online.

5. Remember to be kind to yourself. Making changes in your life/self is not easy and it takes patience and grace. You are worth the effort!

Here’s to awakening your awesome.life <3

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Grief and Time

My dad died on my birthday, 22nd October 2020. I wasn’t there. In fact, I hadn’t spoken to him or my mum for months. He had Lewy Bodies dementia which was strangely enough what my father-in-law also had. It affects the autonomous system - things like your ability to manage body temperature, blood pressure. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with him.

What I noticed in myself was an intense apathy. I had been so focused on my personal development, building up my coaching skills and preparing to launch myself and this business with focus and determination. All of that came to an abrupt halt. I just couldn’t bring myself to touch anything related to personal development. I couldn’t see the point of any of it. Perhaps I should have sought some coaching of my own, or talked to someone about my feelings - but to this point, over two years later I still haven’t done anything for myself or my business. In fact, today is the very first day I have even looked at the site I created in 2020.

I am angry. For what I am unsure. Probably at myself for allowing this apathy to go on, unchecked for so long. But it manifests in anger at other people. I find people annoying a lot of the time. Which really isn’t like me. I love (most) people. But I find that I want to be alone a lot more. I also take my anger out on my mum which is terribly unfair as she is grieving him as keenly as she did when it happened.

I also have moments of serenity. I feel my dad strongly at times. Like when I walk along a beach and a shell or pebble catches my eye. I feel him behind me. This is what we used to love doing together and we both collected beach detritus avidly.