Self-Belief
The dictionary definition of self-belief is: A confidence in your own abilities or judgement.
Self-belief is something that I have struggled with for much of my life. From a young age I remember always wanting what other people had – whether it was their jumper, their family or their friends. I had that feeling of ‘the grass is greener’ wherever I am not. That feeling that nothing I did, had or said was quite good enough. I really had no logical reason for this feeling of not being good enough. I had a loving and attentive family, I had lovely ‘stuff’, I had loyal, loving friends, we lived in great homes and I got to travel the world from a very young age.
I wasn’t aware of how much this lack of belief limited me until I started my personal development journey. I avoided trying new things because I didn’t believe I could do it (whether that was learning a new language and trying it out in the real world, or trying water skiing!) But since I realised there was something I could do to build my own self belief and self esteem I have been working ever since to change my beliefs!
One of the first things to do is to recognise when you start to feel like you ‘cant do it’. When you feel that hesitation, that fear, when you hear that little voice in your head saying ‘no, don’t do it’ or ‘its not safe’ or ‘you’ll fail if you try’ (you know the one I mean..). That’s a great first step! I often say to my clients that noticing and picking up when you are self-sabotaging, doubting or second guessing yourself is such a powerful moment. Because it means that you are becoming aware. And once you notice it in one part of your life, you can be sure that it crops up in all areas!
I use positive affirmations to counter any lack of belief I have. The first step is to understand what the belief is (which is usually negative) because once you can voice it and recognise the emotion around it you can do something about it. For example, if I am fearful of speaking up in a group (whether amongst friends, at a party, or at work) and worried about whether I’ll be able to voice my thoughts eloquently (or even at all) I can say to myself ‘My confidence and belief shine through in all I do’. Or if I think ‘I can’t do it’, a counter affirmation could be ‘I am strong, competent and I can do this’. I LOVE affirmations because you are speaking belief into yourself. Sure, it may feel weird and wacky and even untrue for a while but stick with it. The more you affirm what you want/how you want to be, you are actually rewiring your brain to choose more positive thoughts when similar, scary and fear-inducing situations arise. We change our thought patterns through repetition, so stick with it even when it feels weird and uncomfortable.
I don’t think that you can talk about self-belief without also mentioning the Law of Attraction – the idea that what you focus on you attract, like attracts like, the energy you put out into the world you get back (whether its positive or negative). The Law of Attraction does not discriminate. Whatever you focus your attention on you will attract more of into your life. So MIND YOUR MIND! Be fiercely protective of what you let in, either through external influences like tv, media, socials, news, or in your own thoughts. Basically you can write your own story, so be sure to make it a good one!
“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.
Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. This is but saying that nothing can come from corn but corn, nothing from nettles but nettles. Men understand this law in the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental and moral world (though its operation there is just as simple and undeviating), and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.
Mind is the Master power that molds and makes, And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes the tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills, Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills: -He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass: Environment is but his looking-glass."
James Allen, ‘As A Man Thinketh’
To re-cap:
Awareness - recognise when you start to feel that doubt creep in – that feeling of ‘I can’t’, or ‘its too scary’.
Understand that this immediate reaction is the subconscious part of your brain protecting you from harm and danger.
Choose a positive affirmation that you can use to counteract this negative thought/belief and say it over again, like a mantra.
Take one small action or step towards your goal. It could be something as simple as researching an idea you have online.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Making changes in your life/self is not easy and it takes patience and grace. You are worth the effort!
Here’s to awakening your awesome.life <3